The Confusion Of Two
by punkchick99
Summary: Sirius is having wierd feelings, and starts to feel sick quite often. What has happened to Sirius Black, Shagging King of Hogwarts? And what is with Remus' wierd dreams? Time will tell...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A new story for this account. I have transferred it from my other account AvadaKedabra (check out my other stories!) and put it onto here, as I will slowly do with the others on that account.

**Hope you like the story, please review! 5 reviews at least before I put up the next chapter!**

Sirius Black, a shaggy black-haired, mischievous sixth year, leaned forward and kissed Marie Tuttleby on the lips passionately, giving the blonde- haired, blue-eyed girl a shock, but one that she eagerly received. She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on tip toe to reach him.

She kissed him back even more passionately, and pushed him down onto her bed, much to his surprise. They were in Marie's dorm, as she was a Gryffindor, and Sirius could easily get into the Gryffindor girls' dorm rooms. They were all alone, and were taking advantage of that.

She lifted the bottom of his black muscle shirt up, and eased it gently over his head, still kissing him hard. He kissed her back and shivered, due to the sudden chill that had come over his body. Not because he was cold, something else…

After waiting a couple of minutes, just kissing Sirius, wondering if he would make a move on her, Marie decided that perhaps the boy just needed a little coaxing. Boys were quite dumb like that sometimes.

She sat back on his stomach gently, barely making a difference to Sirius, as she was very petite, and light as a feather. She slowly took off her white t-shirt, showing Sirius every inch of her hips up, and then throwing her shirt to the floor, much to the shock of Sirius. She was wearing red lacy underwear underneath her top, and, to must boys that would be very appealing.

But Sirius just looked rather worried to Marie, as if he was fighting some sort of inner battle, but she just put it down to nerves. I mean, even Sirius Black, Shagging King, could get nervous too… right?

She ignored it, and leant down over him and started kissing him again, the top half of her body up against his. She started gently kissing his neck, and then down his well filled out chest, lower and lower, until she got to the top of his belt buckle.

She looked into his worrying eyes, and slowly started to undo his belt buckle, watching the worry fill in his eyes, as he tried to keep a nonchalant face. What on earth had happened to Sirius Black, Shagging Extraordinaire, she wondered. Maybe he just needed a little coaxing, once again.

Just as she was about to pull off his belt entirely, Sirius put a hand up, and sat up on the bed, leaving Marie sitting on his thighs, and then gently picked her up and sat her next to him.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," he whispered to the bewildered girl. He slowly got up, and then, as if realising what he had just done, he ran from the room, running his fingers through his hair, and pulling on his top that had minutes earlier been discarded on the floor.

Marie looked after him confusedly, but didn't worry about it too much. Maybe he was just a little nervous- it must be a guy thing. There was always next time. After all, they had only been going out for a week or so, so there was plenty of time.

Sirius ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor boys' dorms, and then into the bathroom connected to his dorm room. Standing over the bathroom sink, he held his hair back as best he could and threw up what looked like the remains of his dinner that night, heaving and spluttering, trying to turn the water on.

He retched and heaved, trying to get it all out, feeling sicker by the minute. He could feel a headache coming on again, and felt as if he couldn't eat anything ever again. Tears started streaming down his face, and he wished that this wasn't happening. He hoped immensely that he hadn't left the door to the bathroom open, and that his dorm mates couldn't hear him.

But sure enough, he soon felt soft hands hold back his hair gently from his face, as Sirius dry retched. Those same hands held a damp cloth to his head as Sirius gagged and tried to find something, anything to throw up, but to no avail.

Sirius knew it would be Remus without even turning around, he would be the only one of his friends that would do that, and would do it silently, without asking questions. Plus, Sirius would know those hands anywhere. Sirius silently thanked him, hoping the other boy understood.

After he was done, and had stopped gagging and retching, he cleaned himself up silently, as a concerned Remus watched over him, hovering near the door. He thanked Remus quickly, without even glancing at him, and then strode into his dorm and threw himself down his bed, not saying another word.

His two other fellow dorm occupants, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, were sitting on James' bed playing Exploding Snap, two beds down from Sirius' bed, and had abruptly stopped their game when Sirius walked in from the bathroom. They stared at his dishevelled look in worry. His eyes were bloodshot, face pale and drawn, his hair even messier than usual, his top inside out. What happened to their friend?

"What happened Padfoot?" said Remus softly, voicing everyone's question. He sat on his bed, which was right next to Sirius's bed. His blue-grey eyes showed deep concern for his best friend, and he reached out to feel Sirius's forehead.

Sirius swatted Remus' hand away slightly angrily, a very un- Sirius like thing to do.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he replied weakly, "I must have eaten something bad at dinner," he said, not looking Remus in the eye, because, after six years, Remus could usually tell when he was lying better than anyone.

"We all ate the same thing at dinner, and we're fine," called James from the other side of the room, completely oblivious to the glares that he was getting from Sirius, and the concerned looks that Remus was giving Sirius.

"Yeah, and weren't you just on a date with Marie?" said Peter, untactfully, putting down a few cards. Sirius ignored him, and didn't even dignify him with an answer.

Remus looked at Sirius suspiciously. "Are you sure you're okay Siri? You looked fine before you went up to Marie's dorm."

Sirius looked at the three pairs of worried eyes staring at him, and his walls came down.

"Don't worry about it okay! I must have eaten something bad! Maybe it just didn't hit me until now! Just don't worry about it! Merlin, why do you care anyway?! Leave me alone!" he yelled, pulling the hangings on his bed around him, and turning to face the wall. That was obviously the end of the conversation.

After staring concernedly at his unusually moody friend from behind the hangings one last time, Remus went back to James' bed to play Snap, but not without glancing over every so often to check on Sirius.

He was worried about Sirius. His usually mischievous, fun loving friend had been awfully withdrawn from most of his usual activities recently, and Remus needed to know why. What if something was terribly wrong? He just wished that Sirius would talk to him.

Sirius lay in his bed, legs curled towards him, arms crossed on his chest. He was confused. He hadn't meant to yell at his friends, or push Remus away, he really hadn't, but he didn't want to tell them why he was throwing up. He couldn't tell them. He didn't know how to explain it, how to make them understand. He couldn't even understand it himself.

The truth was, he didn't want to kiss Marie. Recently, every time he went to do almost anything sexual with a girl, he felt sick to his stomach. His chest muscles all pulled together, and he felt extremely nauseous. It was like he was having some sort of panic attack. He felt sort of… guilty. And he had absolutely no idea why, or what was wrong with him.

He had thought of telling Remus a couple of times, and had been extremely close to it, but somebody had always interrupted him. Remus was the most caring out of all the boys, and Sirius, for some reason, felt unbelievably close to him. Although everyone knew that James and Sirius were the mischievous pair that wreaked havoc around Hogwarts, the four boys knew that when it came to anything serious, Sirius was closest to Remus. That was the way it had always been.

Sirius hadn't always felt so sick- well, not to those extremes. There had always been a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach when he was with girls, but he had always ignored it, just putting it down to nerves.

But now… it was different. And Sirius had no idea why. All he knew, was that somehow, he had to cover it up, and make it stop. He was Sirius Black, Shagging God of Gryffindor, Hottest Guy in Hogwarts, as voted by the 5th, 6th and 7th year girls, for Merlin's sake! He couldn't put his reputation at stake because of some weird "feeling"!

Tomorrow, he would go and apologise to Marie, who was his latest conquest for the month, and then he would spend tomorrow night with her. And everything would be fine.

Sirius stayed in his bed the whole night, listening to his dorm mates and best friends yell at each other whilst playing Exploding Snap, Sirius's favourite game, without him. He wished he was out there with them, but he really couldn't face them.

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Sirius woke up with a slight smile on his face. Oh, what a good dream he had been having. He couldn't really remember the exact details, but he knew it had something to do with Remus and cake… but what? Hm, he would probably remember it at a later date.

He looked over at his alarm clock on his bedside table, having to blink his eyes a few times to be able to see the time. 715. Ugh. Why was he awake at such an awful time? And on a Sunday, too!

He blearily looked over at the sleeping form in the bed next to him, smiling. Remus was so peaceful when he was sleeping. Sirius was just contemplating this when suddenly he remembered the events of the night before, they all just suddenly hit him without warning.

He groaned, and suddenly felt sick to his stomach again, lying back on his bed. Why had he been so horrible to his friends? To Remus? And what was wrong with him? Sirius now wished he had stayed sleeping. And that he had never woken up. But now it was the opposite, he couldn't get back to sleep, and so he had no choice but to lie there, staring at the ceiling, contemplating his misery.

Minutes later, after contemplating every awful aspect of his life, Sirius slowly fell back into a deep slumber…

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'_Hey Siri!' yelled Remus, walking towards his shaggy haired friend._

_Sirius was standing in an empty field, staring straight ahead. He didn't seem to even acknowledge that his friend was standing on the other side of the field, calling him necessantly._

'_Sirius!' yelled Remus, even louder._

_Sirius stared straight ahead for a couple more seconds, eyes glassy, head high._

_Then, as Remus was about to start sprinting towards his friend, Sirius looked towards Remus. He still didn't really seem to acknowledge him, and rather, looked through him._

_He then looked down, and put a hand in the side of his robes, rummaging through the pockets for something._

_Frustrated, Sirius put both hands in his pocket, and started to rummage deeper and deeper into his pockets._

_Remus looked on in awe, still walking towards his friend. Sirius seemed to get farther and farther away…_

_Suddenly, Sirius removed his hands from his pockets, and brought out something in his right hand, holding it up in the air._

_Remus squinted slightly to see what it was, but all he could make out was that it was a black object._

_He started to sprint towards Sirius, keeping an eye on his friend as he ran. Suddenly he stopped. He could see Sirius closer now, and he could see the object._

_There were tears streaming down Sirius's face as he held the muggle shot gun to his head._

_Remus gasped, and tears started streaming down his face, as he violently started sprinting towards his best friend, running as fast as he could, feeling the ground beneath him move as he stepped._

_But, to no avail. Remus could not get any closer to Sirius, no matter how much he tried._

_Remus sat on the ground, sobbing, still watching his friend in despair._

"_No, Padfoot! Why are you doing this?! What's wrong? What's happened! Stay with me! Padfoot! I love you!"_

_And, at Remus's last words, Sirius looked right to where Remus was still sitting collapsed on the ground, and pulled the trigger._

_And the sound of a gunshot was the last thing that Remus Lupin heard, and then all he saw was red…_

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Remus sat up in his bed, gasping and panting, clutching at the sheets that were wrapped around him.

He breathed in and out heavily, and started to untangle himself from the sheets. Had that been a dream? What on earth was going on? The dream was so vivid, so… lifelike…

Remus scanned the room, eyes darting around as he tried to calm himself.

His eyes rested on the bed next to him, and suddenly the effects of the dream hit him. He clambered out of his bed, untangling himself and tripping over various things as he went. He ran over to Sirius's bed, and without thinking a thing through, much unlike Remus, he jumped on top of a peacefully sleeping Sirius.

"SIRIUS!" said Remus, hugging his friend as tight as he possibly could, "YOU'RE OKAY!"

Sirius opened his eyes blearily. There was something heavily human-like on him. He looked up to see a half-naked Remus Lupin sitting on him, hugging him with all his might.

Sirius blushed heavily, pushing his hair over his face so that nobody could see. Was this a dream? He quickly glanced over at the other boys and saw that, unsurprisingly, they were still sleeping. Just to be sure, he cast a silencing charm around him and Remus.

"Re- Rem?" said Sirius tentatively, grabbing the boy, who now had tears streaming down his face.

Remus looked at his friend, who was holding him at arms length, his face half-covered by his hair, the other half looking worried, and slightly pink.

"S- sorry Siri," said Remus, as if just realising what he was doing. He looked down, realising that he was clad only in stripy blue boxers, as was the other boy, and there were no covers between the two, as Sirius always kicked his off.

Remus blushed cutely, his cheeks still wet from crying, and clambered off Sirius quickly, landing on the floor in his rush. He put his head in his hands, and Sirius could see that he was still crying, because his back and shoulders were shaking.

Sirius stared at his friend for a second, before carefully taking the boy's hands and pulling him up onto the bed next to him.

Remus kept his head down, sandy hair over his face, using Sirius's technique of hiding his face.

"Rem," started Sirius softly, acutely aware that Remus was now gripping Sirius's hands, and not letting go, "Rem, what's wrong? What happened?"

Remus' grip on Sirius's hands loosened a little, but his hands still rested there, and he laid his head on Sirius's shoulder, tears still streaming down his face.

Sirius put an arm around Remus slowly, holding his other hands still, and started rubbing the other boy's back comfortingly.

"It – it was just a d-dream," said Remus shakingly.

"What happened in it?" said Sirius softly, "C'mon Remmy, you're my best friend, you can tell me anything."

"I – You… Siri, are you okay? Are you happy? Is something wrong? Is there anything you want to tell me?" said Remus, the words coming tumbling out of his mouth, as he finally looked up at Sirius, eyes filled with tears, a worried expression on his face.

"I…No… What… What brought this on? I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine Rem."

Remus studied Sirius's matching worried expression, wondering what else was hiding in that expression, but deciding that his friend wouldn't lie to him. Or, he wouldn't lie to him without good reason anyway.

"It's fine Siri, everything's fine. Just fine…"

Sirius studied Remus intently, and figured that Remus wouldn't lie to him without good reason. He pulled the werewolf into a tight embrace, resting his head on Remus' shoulder, as Remus rested his on Sirius's.

They sat like that for a while, wearing matching worried expressions on their faces.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, I didnt get my 5 reviews! I only got 3, and a c2 add. Oh the sadness. But! You still got another chapter, because I'm in a good mood. now, i ask for 6 reviews before I put up chapter 3. I MEAN IT! Hehe. **

**Review!**

"Oi! What are you two poufs doing!" came a distinctly loud voice from a couple of beds away.

Sirius and Remus both moved way from each other in a split second, both acting as if the other was on fire, burning to the touch. Sirius quickly mumbled the counter-curse to the silencing charm he had cast minutes earlier, and sat back easily on the bed, as if nothing had ever happened, as if Remus had never been hugging him like there was no tomorrow.

Sirius rested his arms behind his head in a lazy position, making his stomach muscles stretch back with him, giving him a very appetising figure, complete with a six pack to boot.

Remus stared at his canine friend for a second, before snapping out of his reverie, blushing, and returning to his own sleeping quarters clumsily, nearly falling over in the process. He copied Sirius's position exactly, attempting to have the same sexy effect, but sadly his pale, skinny body only showed the starts of a six-pack. Nowhere near Sirius's level of sexiness.

"Hey Jamie, no need for that," drawled Sirius charmingly, "I'd rather Remmy here than that hot-tempered little cow Lily Evans you're completely gaga for," said Sirius smoothly, and innocently.

"Hey! No need to insult my Lily, _Siri!"_ said James, playfully mad, emphasising the word Siri for effect.

"Oh yeah, watcha gunna do about it? Huh?" said Sirius, forgetting his earlier "sexy pose," and getting up and forming a boxer's stance, feet apart, fists up in the air, huge grin on his face.

James got up from his earlier sitting position, and stood a couple of inches away from Sirius, copying his friend's pose, grinning with all his might.

Remus watched two of his best friends playfight happily, sighing with a mixture of relief and wonder. The events of the night before had been forgotten, and all would be well with the foursome once again. At least, until the next time they fought. Remus glanced over at Peter's bed, and chuckled. That rat could sleep through anything. He looked back over to James and Sirius, who were now rolling around on the floor, still "fighting," but cackling with laughter at the same time.

Remus got up from his bed, stretched his arms high, making his arms crack, and then ran towards hid two friends, and tackled them, elbows first. "Tally ho!"

"Oof!" yelled Sirius and James in unison.

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Hours later, Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter were sitting neatly in a row of desks in the History of Magic classroom, listening to Professor Binns drone on and on about the "Great War of 53".

Or rather, Remus was listening and taking notes rapidly, like a good little werewolf, James was retrieving something from his ear with a pencil, which Lily Evans found particularly charming, Peter was inspecting grimy fingernails for dirt and then biting them, and our dearest Sirius was sitting at his desk nonchalantly, innocently contemplating eating a bowl of noodles.

As Sirius was sitting innocently contemplating noodles, a note suddenly hit the back of his head with a loud 'Ping!' and bounced off his head in a rather regal manner, landing at his feet softly.

Sirius, rudely interrupted from his daydream, quickly glanced at the ever boring professor, and after gathering that the professor was too engorged in the sound of his own voice to notice a thing, he picked up the carefully folded note from the floor.

Remus, who was sitting next to Sirius, glanced over at his best friend, his quill hovering over the paper expectantly. Sirius opened the note, and Sirius's face went from a look of complete utter boredom, to surprise, and then slightly green, as if he was about to be sick. Remus studied his friend, and wondered wether to send him a note, or ask him if he was okay, and what the note had been about.

But then the colour suddenly came back into Sirius's face a little, and he breathed in and out slowly as if to get his bearings. A rather fake smile, if you asked Remus, appeared on Sirius's face, and he turned around and smiled and nodded at the girl behind him- Marie.

After turning back around to face the front, he went a little grey again, and looked expectantly down at the letter, as if it had changed in the twenty seconds his eyes had been away from the page.

_Dearest Sirius,_

_I don't believe we ever finished what we started last night. If you're up for it again, meet me in my dorm room at a quarter past eight. I'll make sure we're alone. I have a surprise for you. Just turn around and nod if you'll come._

_Love,_

_Marie_

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It was 7pm, and the Gryffindor common room was abuzz with witches and wizards discussing the days events. Three boys could be seen sitting next to the fireplace playing their hundredth game of Exploding Snap, yelling playful insults, laughing, and being boys, and competitive ones at that.

But anyone that looked at them that knew them personally would be wondering something. Where on earth was their fourth quarter? The part of them that made them what they were today (or at least that's what he said)? Where in Merlin's name was Sirius Black?

Well, if anyone happened to walk up the stairs on the left, and saunter casually into the Gryffindor boys' dormitory that was inhabited by those four boys, they would find a very lonely, miserable looking Sirius Black sitting on his own in the dormitory.

But, alas, nobody did manage to saunter casually into the dormitory, and so Sirius remained on his bed, by himself, completely and utterly miserable. Sirius was sitting in this manner because he had a date. A date with a certain Gryffindor Goddess, who had about as good a reputation (if you know what I mean) as he himself, Gryffindor God, did.

How was he going to live up to her standards? Prove himself? He couldn't let her down now, the whole world would know within the hour if he did anything of the sort.

Although he could pretend he was sick… No, that would be too obvious.

What if he was…Hit in the head with a bludger? Nope, he hadn't been playing Quidditch.

A werewolf bite? Wrong Marauder…

Malfoy had cursed him? Nah, he was too proud for that.

A Hinkypunk bite? What is a Hinkypunk anyway?

He fell in the lake? Okay.. , then he would be wet, and outside.

The squid ate him? See before.

His great aunt's goldfish died? Did he even have a great aunt? And any aunt of his would probably manage to drown a goldfish somehow, even if they owned one…

A broom crashed into his dormitory? Okay that one was just stupid.

Sirius put his head in his hands and groaned. There was no way of getting out if it this time.

He suddenly remembered something in the note, and groaned even louder, banging his head against the bed post. He suddenly started to get anxious again, all his muscles constricting. Not again…

He ran into the bathroom and threw up the contents of his stomach, once again.

_I have a surprise for you._

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Marie stepped in front of her full length mirror confidently, smoothing down her hair, and running her tongue over her lips in a sultry manner, careful not to smudge any of her newly applied strawberry lip gloss.

She examined her tanned body. The red negligee fit her perfectly- lacy, tight, and sexy, all in one. She was the perfect shape- slim in the right places, curvy in others. Straight blonde hair, and bright green eyes. What more could Sirius want? He would have to be mad not to want her.

She glanced round at the dormitory one more time, checking everything was going as planned.

No lights- check.

Candles- check.

Rosebuds littering the floor- check.

Conjured king sized bed in the middle of the room- check.

Dorm mates sufficiently removed- check.

Sirius- missing…

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Sirius took a deep breath, and, after spitting out the mint he had been chewing, he threw a leather jacket on over his black muscle shirt, and exited the dormitory, his face still a little white, just a few dots of red on his usually rosy cheeks.

He went down the stairs, catching the attention of most of the girls in the room, and even some of the boys, but, of course, completely oblivious to the stares.

Remus glanced over at where everybody was looking, and then chuckled to himself amusedly. Of course- Sirius. But who wouldn't look at Sirius? He lit up the room, brought drama and spontanaeity to the House.

But tonight he looked a little odd, a little pale. Sickly, kind of. And his eyes weren't the eyes of somebody about to get shagged, they were the eyes of somebody sad, somebody miserable, somebody hiding something...

Remus got up, ignoring James and Peter's protests at leaving halfway through a game, and went and met Sirius as he was walking across the common room.

"Siri? You ok?" said Remus, looking at Sirius worriedly.

Sirius looked around the common room for a moment, and then looked at Remus, still looking a little distracted, and rather fidgety, it seemed to Remus.

"Oh, w- what? Oh, yeah, yeah Remmy, I'm fine. Sorry I'm just a bit… a bit tired."

Remus looked at his friend, the worry showing in his face.

Sirius saw his friends emotions towards him, and felt uncomfortable under his gaze, and turned away, his face returning back to his normal colour, and then a little redder.

Remus sighed, and decided not to push it. He would find out sooner or later what was wrong with Sirius- he would make sure of it.

"Okay, Siri. Have fun on your date."

Sirius seemed to get even more nervous at this, but thanked Remus anyway, and then slowly made his way up to the Gryffindor girls' dormitories, whispering the spell that would let him through as he went.

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Marie sighed in frustration as she sat on the side of her bed. Where the fuck was Sirius? How dare he mess her around like this? He had better come, or…

_Knock, knock._

An impish smile suddenly appeared on Marie's face, and she leapt backwards back on to her bed. She lay on her side, propping herself up with one arm, posing sexily as she had seen many models do before.

"Come in," she said in a sultry, low voice.

The door opened slowly, and Sirius stood in the doorway, staring in wonder.

"Woah…" breathed Sirius, looking around at the candlelit room in awe, and then at the sexily clad figure on the bed. His stomach muscles began to clench again, but after a few deep breaths, he was able to ignore it.

"Hey babe. Do you like it?" Marie said, gesturing around the room, and then down at herself, her had resting just on top of her thighs.

Sirius, still speechless, just nodded dumbly, and pushed the door shut behind him.

He made his way over to the bed, and sat down next to Marie, and started kissing her passionately.

She pulled him on top of her quickly, and responded eagerly. This was more like it.

Sirius ignored his body, his mind, everything… He just blocked everything out.

This was just another mindless, meaningless fuck.

**A/N: Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Righto dudes, here's chapter 3. I didn't get enough reviews once again, so it is in a depressed way that I put this up. It is on 10 people's alert lists... did I get 10 reviews? NON! So review review review, or I won't even think about WRITING chapter 4, let alone putting up. Ah, blackmail. Gotta love it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or things you recognise. Thats called plageurism. (sp?)**

Just another mindless, meaningless fuck.

That's all it was.

Nothing more, nothing less.

For either of them, thankfully. Sirius didn't want to have to pick up the pieces of some other poor girl's shattered heart.

Actually, who was he kidding?

He had never picked up the pieces, he was always the one that had put the pieces there. Hundreds of girls' hearts- he had taken them, held them in his hand, felt them beating… then put them on the floor, stomped on them a few thousand times, and given them back.

What sort of person did that?

Sirius Black, that's who.

He sat on the edge of the king sized bed, his head in his hands, clad only in boxers. He glanced behind him, seeing the beautiful girl he had been with hours earlier sleeping peacefully, a smile on her face as she breathed in and out in a deep slumber.

"Fuck," he whispered to himself.

He stood up quietly, and retrieved his clothing from various places around the room. He put it on quickly, and went over to Marie's desk, finding some parchment and a quill.

_Dear Marie,_

_Thankyou so much for last night. _

_I have to go early, I need to go and get some Quidditch practice in before the game next week. _

_Sorry,_

_From Sirius. _

He put the quill down, sighing, and then folded the parchment over neatly and put it on the oak bedside table next to Marie's sleeping figure.

After taking one last look at the sleeping beauty before him, he put his hands in his pockets, and slouched quietly out of the room, being careful to shut the door gently behind him.

Once out of the vicinity of the girls' dormitories, Sirius let out a giant breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. He sprinted across the common room to the boys' dorms, not even knowing why he was sprinting at six o clock in the morning.

He sprinted up the stairs and into his dormitory, slowing down a little once he got in there. Sure enough, his friends were all soundly asleep. He hadn't actually been lying in the note- he was going out on his broom – just not necessarily to play Quidditch. He needed some cheering up, and flying always made him slightly happy.

He walked over to his bed, and pulled on the golden robes strewn on the floor next to it, tying them around his waist like you would a bath robe. He had to be sure it wouldn't fly around while he was in the air.

Once it was securely fastened around his skinny waist, he sat down on his bed, grabbing some boots off the floor, and starting to pull them on with difficulty.

After heaving and puffing over the right boot, he finally managed to pull it onto his foot, collapsing backwards in exhaustion. At this rate, he wouldn't get anywhere.

Just as he was about to get up and continue with the torture of putting on his shoes, he heard a slight wimpering noise coming from behind him. He sat up and turned around, seeing his best friend's face screwed up tightly, tears starting to stream down his face.

"Rem!" whispered Sirius loudly, trying not to wake the others.

But Remus didn't reply – he was sound asleep.

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Remus walked through the serene forest peacefully, feeling completely calm and at ease – with everything in his life.

_He felt as if nothing could go wrong, nothing would go wrong – nothing was wrong with his life. Everything was perfect._

_He walked a little further into the forest, coming to a small river set in between some tall luscious trees. _

_It was beautiful – there was a waterfall coming from the edge of a cliff, flowers on the bank, fish jumping out occasionally from the clear blue water._

_Remus sat down on the edge of the bank, careful not to squash any of the beautiful flowers. He carefully removed his shoes and dangled his feet over the edge, sighing peacefully as his feet entered the cool refreshing water._

_He let his feet dangle in the water for a while, just sitting and taking in the surroundings. Ah, this was the life. _

_He glanced over at the waterfall, sensing something moving near it in his peripheral vision. He could see a dark figure walking slowly behind the waterfall, walking to the other side._

"_Hello?" he called out, wondering who or what it was._

_There was no response, and the figure kept walking._

_Remus waited for it to come out the other side, figuring it probably couldn't hear him through the waterfall. Maybe it was one of his friends! Maybe he would get to share this beautiful place with someone._

_Sure enough, his dream came true – Sirius walked out from the other side of the waterfall, in full view of Remus._

_Remus grinned excitedly, and called out again to his friend._

"_SIRI!" he yelled, waving an arm at him. _

_Sirius seemed to hear him, and looked over at him, his face solemn._

_How could Sirius look so depressed in a place like this? _

_Remus had figured that Sirius would come over to him, or at least wave at him, but Sirius turned away as suddenly as he had looked over._

_Remus became a little confused, and there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach._

_Maybe he was just being silly, and he wanted Remus to go to him. Yes, that was probably it._

_Remus sighed and lugged himself out of the river and up off the ground reluctantly, cursing Sirius under his breath._

_He started to walk towards him, shoes in his hands, feet bare on the warm grass._

"_Siri!" he called again, as he started to get closer._

_There was no acknowledgement at all that time, not even a look up at Remus._

_Remus frowned. Something wasn't right._

_He started to run towards Sirius, feeling a sense of de ja vu. _

_But, once again, Sirius just seemed to get further away._

_Sirius started to walk towards the river bank, head down, hands in pockets. He got to the very edge, and took off his top, and started unbuckling his belt._

_Remus stopped trying to get to him, and stared in awe. What on earth was he doing? Surely he wasn't going to get into the water. _

_Remus glanced over the edge, and then reeled back in horror. The water had turned a murky colour, and had bits of Merlin knows what floating it. The fish were no longer jumping, but floating, and the flowers and grass around him were now dead. The water looked extremely deep, and was no longer calm – there were rips and swirls everywhere – going in meant almost certain death._

_He looked around in horror, starting to feel sick. What had happened to his wonderland? _

_He glanced back at Sirius, and his stomach dropped down into his feet when he saw what he was doing._

_Sirius was now poised over the river bank, looking down with an extremely pale face. He looked as if he were about to jump – he couldn't be though._

_He couldn't be!_

_Remus started running towards him again, trying with every fibre in his body to reach his best friend. He screamed, yelled, cursed, but no avail. Sirius couldn't hear him._

"_Sirius! Don't do it! I love you Sirius! I love you! Please stop! I love you!" screamed Remus over and over, sobbing uncontrollably._

_But all he could do was stand and watch as his best friend bent his legs, poised his arms over his head in a dive position, and threw himself into the water. _

_Remus screamed and ran forward, the invisible barrier finally letting him through – to a point._

_He couldn't get to the water, just stand on the bank and see over the edge._

_At first he saw nothing. Then the water started to ripple a little, and Remus suddenly saw Sirius' head in the water, arms flailing next to him, mouth open as he gasped for air._

"_SIRI! DON'T LEAVE ME!" screamed Remus, trying to get through the barrier again._

_Of course he couldn't. _

_All he could do was watch Sirius go under, Sirius' beautiful eyes boring into his own as he went down._

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Remus' eyes snapped open quickly – he needed to get that image out of his mind.

He gasped- it was still there! He could still see Sirius! He whimpered quietly and tried to move backwards.

When he discovered he couldn't, he looked up into Sirius' eyes again – only to discover that they weren't the same as they had been in the dream. It was just plain old Sirius, his eyes filled with worry.

Remus sat up and rubbed his own eyes, which seemed to be watery and puffy. Had he been crying in his sleep?

Once everything came in to focus again, he turned to look at Sirius, who was now gripping Remus' shoulders, eyes filled with anxiety.

Remus suddenly got worried.

"What's wrong Siri?" he said, staring at his friend in fear.

Sirius looked at him in shock.

"I- You… What were you dreaming about? Are you okay? What happened? You wouldn't stop crying, I couldn't wake you up!" burst out Sirius, his voice shaky, as if he were about to cry himself.

Remus reeled backwards in shock.

"Fuck," he whispered.

"What? What is it? What happened?" whispered Sirius frantically, trying not to wake the others – although waking them was a feat in itself.

Remus looked down in embarrassment, trying to cover his face with his hands. He couldn't believe he had cried in front of Sirius. Oh Merlin, what if he had said something in his sleep?

"Did I say anything Siri? You know, when I was… sleeping?" muttered Remus, his face still in his hands.

Sirius squirmed a little on the bed, his hands now in his lap, his face still creased with worry.

"Um… well… Yes."

Remus pulled his fingers apart a little, looking at Sirius through cracks between his fingers.

"Really? Like what?" he said, trying to act nonchalant.

"Well, you just kept mumbling things. I couldn't realy understand too much, but I think at one point you said…" started Sirius, not wanting to continue.

"I said what?" questioned Remus, not really knowing if he wanted an answer.

"Something about me not leaving you…" said Sirius quietly, looking down.

Remus' eyes filled up with tears again when he heard that, and the entire dream came back to him in vivid flashing images.

He started quietly sobbing, gasping for air.

Sirius looked up when he heard Remus breathe in sharply, and saw him sobbing. He quickly slid over to him and put his arms around him, Remus resting his head on Sirius' shoulder.

"Shhh Rem, it's ok. It's ok."

"No it's not, Siri, something bad is going to happen."


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius looked at Remus worriedly, patting his back awkwardly.

"What do you mean? What do you mean something bad? What's going to happen, Rem?" inquired Sirius, holding his shaking friend.

Remus took a deep breath to calm himself down, his chest going in and out. He pulled back from Sirius' grasp and fiercely wiped away the tears that were running down his pale face.

He breathed in and out slowly, calming himself out of the upcoming panic attack.

Once he trusted himself to speak confidently again, he cleared his throat and began.

But nothing came out.

"Nothing Siri," he eventually croaked, "I was just being stupid. Forget about it."

Sirius glared at him in frustration, wanting to shake the boy.

"No, you weren't being stupid, but now you bloody well are! Just tell me what's going on Remus. You've been acting weird in the past couple of days, especially with these dreams. Why won't you just tell me!" he nearly exploded, all this still said in a fierce whisper, as he tried not to wake the others.

Remus cowered under Sirius' glare and moved back on the bed a little, pulling the covers back over his half-naked body, as if protecting himself from Sirius.

"As if you can talk, Sirius. I've been acting weird! You're the one that's been acting weird lately, coming in at all hours after seeing that new girl of yours, getting sick all the time. What's going on with you, huh? Think I haven't noticed?" he spat back, getting a little too fired up.

Sirius leant back a little, his facial expression changing a little, becoming more guarded and hard.

"What the fuck are you talking about? It's none of your business what I do when I'm with a girl, Remus Lupin, and as for me being sick, I told you, I ate something bad at dinner!" he yelled, finally losing his cool.

Remus glared at Sirius, his face slowly turning red.

There was a groan from a couple of beds away, as James finally woke up.

"What the fuck are you doing up at this hour, you idiots?" mumbled James, blearily opening his eyes to look over at his friends.

"Don't worry James," they chorused, glaring at each other as they spoke in unison. Sirius quickly whispered a silencing charm to put around the bed as James flopped back down and started snoring.

"Bullshit, you ate something bad at dinner. We all ate the same thing as you remember? And well, maybe it isn't my business what you do with girls, but um…" Remus didn't know what he had been about to say, but he had to think of something fast. "But, it is my business when you aren't happy, because, well, you're my best friend!"

Sirius softened a little, but still stood his ground.

"Yes Rem, you are my best friend, but that doesn't mean you control my life, okay! And I'm worried about you too, okay!" he said, contradicting Remus.

"Yeah, well maybe it's personal," Remus said quietly, turning away.

Sirius looked at him in frustration once again.

"Fine. Maybe whatever you want to know about me is _personal _as well," he hissed, taking off the silencing charm and stalking out of the room, leaving Remus alone with two sleeping boys.

Remus nearly screamed in annoyance, but decided instead to crawl back under the covers and hug his pillow.

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Sirius strode out of the common room and through the portrait forcefully, cursing and muttering as he went.

To think, that Remus had the sheer nerve to treat him like that!

He was treading on thin ice.

All Sirius had been trying to do was help him, and look at the thanks he got.

Stupid twat.

He should kick his bony a-

"Sirius!" came a voice from directly in front of him.

Sirius realised he had been glaring at the ground as he walked, and had managed to bump into someone.

He looked up, only to inwardly groan at placing voice to person.

"Marie, what a s- surprise… Weren't you um, sleeping?" he stuttered.

She looked at him, her expression masked, one hand on her hip.

"Well I was, but then I found your note, and went out onto the Pitch to look for you. But, oddly, you weren't there…" she trailed off, willing him to explain.

He took a deep breath, coming up with a few dozen lies on the spot as he looked at her, taking in her appearance. All she wore were a pair of Muggle denim shorts, as well as a midriff top that showed her bellybutton.

"I had to go back to my room to get my broom, but then I got caught up talking to Remus," he started truthfully, "so now I'm going down to the pitch," he finished with a lie.

He wasn't actually going to the pitch – but for all she knew, he could have been.

She looked him up and down suspiciously, and he suddenly felt self-conscious, wondering what he had said wrong.

"So where," she started, walking closer to him and speaking extremely quietly, "is your broom?"

Sirius' stomach plummeted, and he felt the need to suddenly be sick again.

_Quick, think of something. Faster! Faster, Sirius! _Said the little voice in his head, urging him on.

"Oh! Yeah, you see, I went up to my room, and then when I had finished talking to Remus, I went to find my broom. I _thought _I had left it in my room, but turns out it's actually in the sheds! I mean, how silly of me, right?" he said, trying to act as normal as humanely possible.

She visibly relaxed, but he could see she was still worried about something.

"Honey, are you okay?" he said, touching her arm, ignoring every part of his being that told him not to.

She seemed to be fighting for words, but finally found them. And they weren't pretty.

"Why do you spend so much time with Lupin, anyway?" she said, looking a little angry.

Sirius stepped back a little, as if she had slapped him in the face.

"What do you mean?" he said, his voice starting to raise a little. "He's my friend isn't he? I am allowed to spend time with him, Marie."

She glared at him now, stepping back as well and looking him straight in the eye.

"Well I think you spend a little too much time with him. I think you are weirdly close to him. Why are you even friends with him anyway? He's so… weird! Like, he sits around reading for fun!" she said, as if this was the most incredulous thing she had ever heard.

Sirius glared daggers at the blonde beauty in front of him.

"Remus Lupin is my best friend. Do not _ever _speak about him like that. Ever. Okay?" he spat at an extremely surprised Marie.

She stared at him for a minute, before regaining her composure.

"Fuck you, Sirius. You would think that you would have more time for me than you would your stupid weird friend, but obviously not. You know what? I can just end this right now, Sirius," she threatened, staring him up and down as he tried to stand his ground.

This just made the boy even more furious. First she speaks ill about his best friend, and then she threatens him?

"_You _do not threaten _me_," he hissed. "It was over before it started, darling. I never wanted you, I was just out for a quick fuck, like you."

Marie looked taken back for a second, before walking straight up to Sirius and slapping him, hard, right across the face, and stalking away.

"Bitch!" he yelled after her as he stumbled backward, holding a hand up to his face.

She turned around for a moment, a satisfied look on her face.

"No, you are the bitch. But not my bitch – maybe Lupin's bitch?" she said cruelly.

He gaped at her, and she spoke once more before stalking away.

"Just go crawling back to your little boyfriend, I never wanted you anyway."

Sirius turned bright red in anger, and considered going after her.

He took a deep breath, calming himself down as best he could.

Once he could breathe properly again, he turned and ran as fast as he could, out of the castle and off the grounds, and into the Forbidden Forest.

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Remus still lay in his bed, his tears starting to subside.

He sighed and curled up, hugging himself, trying with all his might not to fall asleep.

He couldn't fall asleep, he couldn't deal with any more dreams right now.

But, it seemed as if an invisible force was enticing him into it, his eyes becoming droopy and heavy, his head swimming with thoughts that were slowly becoming blurry.

Soon he couldn't stand it, and decided to have a little nap.

Just for a minute…

Nothing could happen in a minute…

Just a minute…

**A/N: Ok, twelve. That's my asking price! Seeing I'm going to have no access to a computer for a week or more because I'm moving, I think that is a small ask. I mean I got 10 or 11 on chapter 3. Why not more on chapter 4? Cmon, do it for the story. FOR THE GOOD OF THE STORY! (And my sanity.)**


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